Over the course of a decade, the United States has been transforming from a nation of fat, lazy, ice cream eating slobs to a nation of health crazed, frozen yogurt eating slobs. This new attitude towards healthy eating is having an unintended consequence for clothing retailers. As these stores are slow to catch up to new body size trends, extra inventory of unsold XL, XXL, and XXXL clothes are ending up on clearance racks.
How do you take advantage of this? Start by eating all those delicious foods that you try to avoid, like
cheesecake,
chicken-fried steak, and
mayonnaise. For some more ideas, check out
one of my favorite blogs.
Is eating all this extra food eating through your wallet? Stop slaving over the deep fryer, and check out McDonald’s dollar menu. I recommend a handful of McDoubles, with a few refills of coke. Try to avoid diet and caffeine free. Don’t forget dessert! While the 7 grams of saturated fat in the Hot Fudge Sundae don’t seem like much, that’s actually 35% of your daily recommended value.
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Michael Moore is doing it right. |
Depending on your starting size, metabolism, and how often you work out (cancel your gym membership immediately), it could take you anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to start fitting into the best deals that your local department store has to offer. When that magic moment finally comes, you’ll know it; you’ll wake up, remove your sleep apnea mask, and have trouble getting off the couch, since it will feel like someone’s sitting on your chest. By time you make it to the fridge, you’ll be sweating and out of breath. Make sure to eat all your leftover fried mac n’ cheese squares from last night. That carb boost will give you the extra energy you need to try on clearance rack after clearance rack of the fattest bargains you can find.
Disclaimer: I own stock in McDonald's Corporation because $1 Hot Fudge Sundaes are the best 7 grams of saturated fat that money can buy.
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