Saturday, August 27, 2011

Advanced Renting

Summer is the season for partying.  Between just Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day there’s enough celebration to make up for the rest of the year.  This is usually through excessive amounts of food and drink, and this deadly duo of digestion often leads to blurred vision and slurred speech, followed by vomiting on the side of your parents’ house and blaming it on your friend while he’s still sleeping, and telling everyone not to bring it up around him because he’ll be too embarrassed. 

I digress.  The problem with summer parties isn’t that Jeff painted the house in Yuengling and potato salad (at least that’s the story Ian told me, and that I shouldn’t mention it to Jeff), but that these parties are too expensive.  After you buy yourself a cooler, extra lighting, classy outdoor speakers camouflaged as rocks, and a barbeque, you’re too broke to think about anything fun. 

I don't know what I was expecting, but the first Google Image search I did to fill this area was "vomit".  Anyway, here's some delicious Lebanese Potato Salad from EatingWell.com.

The solution is to know the return policies of the big stores in your area and exploiting them as much as your conscience can handle*.  For example, Walmart will accept most returns within 90 days with a receipt.  Without a receipt, you can still get a cash refund if the item is under $25.  Anything over that and you get a gift card.  In addition, your driver license information is recorded for receipt-less returns so that you don’t make a habit of buying things on Amazon and then returning them to Walmart for a profit.  In short, feel free to splurge on the 80qt Steel Patio Cooler Cart because you’re going to be returning it anyway. 

Before you go out and try to set up your ultimate free party, understand the limits.  No one is going to take back your hotdogs, even with a receipt.  Also, if you’re seen trying to return 20 tiki torches, a $500 grill and a Dewalt worksite radio to Home Depot, they’ll probably honor their return policy but they’re within their rights to blacklist you from the store.  You can also do what I do, and pay $8 for a six pack to bring to your friend’s party instead of hosting your own.  

"Here's the receipt.  I don't know if this is important but the ice melted on the drive over.  It's still in there, though."


*Do not partake in any activity in this post if you have a single care about the economy.  This kind of behavior contributes to higher costs and in general it hurts businesses.  See this article for more information.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Building an Incredible Tupperware Collection - For Free!


I hate going out to dinner.  While I appreciate the break from cooking, I can’t help but think that the $20 I’m spending on two entrees could have been used to purchase 20lbs of chicken (manager’s special, chicken thighs, with skin and bones: $0.99/lb).  However, there are just some times when I have no choice but to go out for a meal.  When this happens, I always make the most of the situation by getting for free what I would have otherwise had to hand out some serious cash for: reusable containers.

The method is simple.  Don’t finish your food and when the waiter comes, ask if you could take it home.  If you’re lucky, it will be returned to you in plastic reusable containers.  Likewise, ordering takeout will occasionally have the same results.

Calculating a cost savings from this is very difficult because it depends on several factors, such as the average price of dinner at a sit-down or takeout restaurant, the odds of receiving reusable containers vs. disposable containers, and the average price of new reusable containers, among other things.  Buying a modest set such as the Rubbermaid 34 Piece Easy Find Lids Set will cost about $20 from Target.  To get a modest set of containers from a restaurant will depend partially on a combination of luck and knowing which places give which types of containers most frequently. 

This is what gets me out of bed in the morning.  I live for this.
In terms of consistency, I get the best results from Chinese takeout.  Ordering soup by the pint or quart will yield a round plastic container of the appropriate size.  Entrees tend to be delivered in flat rectangular containers, usually about 1.5” tall and no smaller than 6” wide by 4” deep.  Occasionally I won’t be so lucky with a new restaurant and my food will be delivered in standard Chinese takeout white folding paper containers.  Once you know several restaurants that deliver reusable containers, Chinese food will almost always give the best container volume to food price (CV-FP) ratio.   

I generally have worse luck in Italian restaurants, usually taking food home in disposable aluminum containers, where the top edge folds down onto the paper-aluminum lids to keep it closed.  This hasn’t kept me away from Italian food altogether, though.  One time I received delivery in a circular plastic reusable container, 2” tall with a 10” diameter.  Unfortunately I don’t remember the place that I got it from but the container has nonetheless become a centerpiece in my collection.  Thus, even though Chinese food offers the better CV-FP ratio, the hope of receiving a second one of these containers has kept me on Italian food delivery for some time.  

Now imagine this with leftover egg salad in it.

After Chinese and Italian, other food is hit or miss.  Reusable containers work best on messy foods (Penne Vodka, General Tso’s Chicken, etc.) so choose a style that uses lots of sauces.  For example, you might have luck getting barbeque to go.  If you end up with Styrofoam, don’t get discouraged.  Stay with successful restaurants but don’t be afraid to risk something new.  You could end up with a collection that puts a store bought set to shame.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Health Series: Myths that Break the Bank – Exercise

This next health myth looks at building muscle, and shows you how to save time and money while maintaining a great physique. Normally this requires going to the gym. This step can be eliminated by understanding the processes in your body when you work out.

Muscle growth is caused by repairing damage to muscle fibers. This damage is the result of repeatedly straining the muscles, through the lifting of weights, or repeated movements. Luckily, there is another way to cause this muscle damage, without all the lifting, sweating, grunting and admiring yourself in the mirror between reps.

In about an hour, this man will be covered in a thin film of grease, accompanied by acute muscle soreness.  Unfortunately, it can't fix his face.  Image from White Castle.
The trick is to eat foods high in both saturated fats and protein. By itself, saturated fat will just make you gain weight. When combined with protein however, the fat cannot be properly absorbed into your bloodstream. It makes its way to your muscles where it just sits, producing strain and tearing up the muscle fibers till it can be released through the skin. The foods which work best for this include Taco Bell cheesy bean burritos and White Castle sliders. Anyone who's eaten one too many of these foods can attest to the previously unexplained muscle soreness, followed by a day or two of feeling greasy. As explained, that muscle soreness is the strain from the saturated fat and the greasy feeling is that fat being excreted from the body through the skin. If you were to replace your monthly gym membership and daily protein shakes with a Crave Case every week or two, you would find yourself putting on the same mass at just a fraction of the cost and effort.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Health Series: Myths that Break the Bank – Gum Disease

Typical dentist propaganda.  Image from http://periotherapy.com/
I chose to address this second myth because it saves me unnecessary trips to the dentist.  Any dentist will tell you that dark red gums are unhealthy and if left untreated, you will end up with periodontal disease, and eventually lose your teeth.  As you could expect, dentists perpetuate this myth because the more you worry about your mouth, the more you give them in co-pays and insurance.  The truth is the actually the exact opposite.  Your gums are at their reddest when there is a a healthy blood flow to the roots of your teeth.  This can easily be mistaken for a disease because at times, there is so much blood flow that the gums become swollen and will bleed at the lightest touch.  If you wait for a day a two however, the swelling will go down as the gums begin to harden in a process similar to the formation of calluses.  Ever since I first read the truth about gums, I've been going to the dentist far less frequently.  It's been almost four years since my last visit and as far as I can tell, I still have all my teeth.